That was weird....

I was about to floss my kids teeth tonight, when I saw my neighbor from across the street, park her car and start to go inside. I ran out of the house and called to her. I asked her if she had seen a package for me (long story) on her door for me.

She said "no". She was friendly. I had never met her. She told me she moved in about a year ago. Told me that she had to do a ton of renovations to make it liveable. She waved at the ground and said, "this sh*t cost me $1000" Can you believe it?" I wasn't sure what she meant but I felt silly asking and I didn't want to keep her. Plus my kids looked like they were about to cross the busy street to get to us...

And then as I stepped into our house, I finally realized what she had meant. She was talking about the sidewalk! And I know exactly what day that happened. August 5th, the day my daughter died.  I'm sure she'd probably be a bit freaked out to know that I remember the day. And even more, to know that I watched them working that afternoon, as I paced the house with my daughter's still warm body, wondering how life could go on outside of our house as if nothing astronomical had just happened....

Strange, how a brief conversation brings it all back.....

oh, I miss her...

Pink for Piper Day!

I'm wearing Pink today! And why you may ask??
Time is short here but I want to tell you a bit about a very special little girl. I met her only briefly -shortly after she was born, at the funeral for my friend's daughter.  (you might remember me talking about Abby) This family already has a special little boy in heaven named Drew. He had a mitochondrial disorder. And now their daughter Piper has been diagnosed with it too. They have been receiving support from the Flames House and they are writing about their journey. I so appreciate her honesty in what this is like for them. And I can't help feeling astounded, inspired, and deeply encouraged by their bold trust in God to be faithful. My heart aches for them. I think about them all the time. There's one picture that reminds us so much of our little girl - it brings back powerful memories of sitting at the Flames House, soaking in every smile, every response however small.... And I feel a strong connection to them even though we barely know each other. Would you join me in praying for their family??
http://clarkkiddos.blogspot.ca/

Sadness

Yesterday I felt so, so sad all day. I just couldn't get motivated for anything. Today it hurts so much it's hard to breathe. I thought this was suposed to get easier.....eight months later and it hurts as much as it ever did.  I guess it's good that Dave and I are leaving for Ministerial Retreat in Cypress Hills today....I need something else to focus on right now.  So, off to packing I go...

I miss having those soft little toes in my hand. I miss rubbing my hand over those tufts of hair on the top of her head. I miss watching your face break out into this most beautiful contagious little grin. It feels like I should be able to scoop you right out of these pictures for a cuddle. I miss so much.....we all miss you so much dear sweet Rachel!

Thanks, Grandmas and Grandpas!

Our children have the most amazing grandparents.  Thanks to both sets of them for sending a wonderful collection of Easter treats for them to find!  We'll send you the dental bill!

In the Mail...

This invite was in our mail a few days ago. At first I skimmed it, cried and put it down. Later, I picked it up again and noticed Rachel's name at the top and cried again.  I both want to go and I don't.  Part of me wants to be in a room with people who really know what it is like to have a child die and to deeply mourn their loss from our lives, to share our sorrow and honor our children together....and part of me is scared to go because it is going to be so hard too.  

He is Risen!

I'm so glad this day is about SO MUCH MORE than Easter bunnies and dressing up nice for church......aren't you??? I woke up feeling so deeply sad and it's still lingering....but I will choose to GIVE THANKS for the priceless and incredible GIFT that God gave to us in His Son JESUS! Rachel is with JESUS right now worshiping HIM even as we worship today....Thank-you JESUS.

"Stricken, Smitten, and Afflicted" by Fernando Ortega