After writing the last post yesterday, I had a very difficult afternoon with Rachel. She still seems hungry but she has to take many breaks in one feed. This stopping and starting kind of eating is so unbelievably wearing. I think I had her bottle in my hand for most of the day. But I think what made the day so very hard was that I had hopes for the afternoon, a nap, some exercise? And she only slept for 15 minutes, just enough to get me up from an 'almost sleep'. I didn't get anything done. And it just snowballed from there, into a frustration about the whole year. There is too much about this life that drives me crazy sometimes. Yesterday, I longed for normal busy toddler stuff to complain about. By the time Dave and his dad and the kids made it home, I was about to go over the edge. Dave took one look at me and sent me out of the house. I went to the store for some things and I took my time doing it. Oh, blessed freedom!!
Today I am waaaaay better after a full nights sleep and a half hour outside pulling weeks in the sunshine!! But I still feel like it might not take much to bowl me over again. We have another meeting next Friday afternoon with our case worker to discuss more hours for respite. We really feel that we need more - not just for nights but also for one evening a week so that we can do something fun with the other two kids. So often it's Dave or myself taking the kids out, and so rarely do we get to do something together. We probably wouldn't go far from the house - but anything would be wonderful. Please pray that our case worker will be favorable to giving us more hours. (And for us, for strength and perserverance!!) Thank-you!