"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm,
and carry them close to his heart, and shall gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Grandpa Funk is Here!!

We both got Rachel giggling yesterday, at different times.  What a BEAUTIFUL sound!  She does seem a bit more content, however feeding is a constant job again.  She seems so hungry but she can only get a few sucks out of the bottle and then she stops for a few minutes and then tries again. She seems very tired too - and she often needs to lie in in her bed and chill. Her naps are short though. Last night, because of an oversight on my part (I forgot to confirm the weekend with our respite worker), we ended up doing the night ourselves.  oh....my poor tired brain....I had forgotten how hard the nights can be with her! 

Dave's dad is out this weekend!!! This is pretty special, because usually the grandmas get to come out to help and the grandpas have to stay home.  He is getting paid to pick up a semi in Red Deer.  So Dave and the kids are picking up Grandpa from the airport right now and driving out there together.  This gives me the whole afternoon with just Rachel. Hoping to get some more sleep here.....and maybe do the dishes??      

Some of the comments made on the blog recently have really stuck in my mind lately.  One that comes to mind right now is "I loved living with (my husband) but I hated dying with him."  I have been thinking that here too - life with Rachel when things are going well, is a beautiful thing - but we sure do hate dying with her. I have sometimes thought too that I can't remember a time when things were 'as they should be.'  There are so many things that I think fit in that category of 'as they should be' that I need to let go of, at least for now.  Oh, what a very tough road this is, to watch our loved ones hurt, to have our lives turned upside down, to know that nothing will ever be the same again, and not see an end in sight to the season of 'dying'.  God, give us all strength. Thank-you again for sharing your heart with me.

On another note....I am trying to do some Bible memorization, using an idea from a friend. I wrote a verse down on a whiteboard and as I pass by it, I try to read it.  Once I know it well (and there is no time-frame, and I think that's the key), I will take it down and put up another one.  Here's the first one...

I think I chose this passage because I know that when I feel weak and exhausted by the constant feeding(and overwelmed by fear by what Rachel's death will be like), I am susceptible to believing lies about who God is and what He is doing (or not doing for us), lies about who I am, and how God sees me.  I want my mind and heart to be ruled by what is true. I am not getting around to reading much of the Bible these days and I'm hoping this helps get God's words into my mind...     

5 comments:

paige said...

Awesome post.

Anonymous said...

Kendra, the situation I find myself in so often also involves fear and I see what you write and I can identify but on on the level of a sick baby like yours. Lets keep trusting God to see us through.

Kari said...

Love the idea of the memory verse!

Kristen said...

Its so interesting about the feeding. That is how Logan was until his first surgery. He would eat tiny amounts constantly. It is SO TIRING. Even after 2 open heart surgeries, he has to eat about 4-5 times in the middle of the night and he is 12. Its crazy. I think some of it has to do with their abdominal anatomy. Also I have noticed that the bluer he gets the less he can eat at one sitting. Sending Hugs. ~Kristen

Carlana said...

That's neat to hear you're trying that idea! That reminds me...I should really change my verse. I think I've got it now.