"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm,
and carry them close to his heart, and shall gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11

Saturday, April 30, 2011

We had to give Rachel one syringe of fentanyl at 10pm.  She woke up after about an hours sleep with a panicked cry and looking blueish.  Her cheeks and hands were cold. These 'almost' spells are almost wose than the full blown ones. (on us, that is) At least if she has a real spell, she usually sleeps for a long time because of the drugs.  Now, I get anxious waiting to see if she will have a real spell yet or not.  I also think all of this is just hurting more now than ever because I love her so much more than I did a year ago.  I don't want her to die - I am so afraid of losing her, but I don't want her to suffer either.  And I am so afraid that her death will be drawn out and painful.  God, be near us tonight. Please drive away the fear that wants to take hold of me.

7 comments:

Valerie Ruth said...

prayers and love

Noella said...

Praying for you in these days.

paige said...

that love that grows to be so painful is such a good, beautiful thing...
we're praying for you - for the Comforter to come.

Sharon said...

loving you always

fiona said...

kendra - we pray for you continually. may God fill you with peace and presence in each moment, and completely remove your fear of the future. Holy Spirit come, and dwell in Kendra's heart so full and so free and so comforting. you are the comforter and you comfort us in our deep distress. come and bring life and peace that passes understanding. it is not by might that we overcome but by your Holy Spirit.

Kathy and Carl said...

Praying for you. May you rest in His strength. Sending much love.

amandadahmes said...

Im praying had for you and your family. My mom was on that medication and had a reaction. Just a ? but all the spells are from her and not from (some from) the meds?
my mom had stuff happen after she took it and ... passed away from it.
Not trying to scare you im sure you are all aware of all of it. I just had this happen so Im still scared.

im praying hard<3