We gave Rachel some fentanyl at 3am, almost an hour ago. She wasn't having a spell but definetly something was going on. Her breathing and cry was very irregular. I can't get back to sleep. I'm wound up so tightly with worry. Even before Rachel came upstairs, I was having a strange dream about my heart stopping - and someone putting me on a machine while I waited for a transplant or somthing. And now it still feels like my heart hurts. After I gave up sleeping, I remembered this comment that someone left on my lamenting post and went looking for it. I felt like I needed a Psalm to read. Thank-you.
and now when I read it, the fear is changing to pain. God, this is so hard! I need You!
How long O Lord will You forget me?
How long O Lord will You look the other way?
How long O Lord must I wrestle with my thoughts,
And every day have such sorrow in my heart?
Look on me and answer, O God my Father
Bring light to my darkness before they see me fall.
But I trust in Your unfailing love
Yes, my heart will rejoice.
Still I sing of Your unfailing love
You have been good, You will be good to me.
- song by Brian Doerksen, taken from Ps 13