I am writing this after everything happened on Sunday night. I have just said good-night to Rachel and passed her off to the nurses. It is 11pm and I'm not sure if I can sleep. I thought I would write a bit about the last week. (the internet has not been working well here this last week but now it seems to be up)
Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful meal at a friend's place. Then on Monday, we were treated again to a wonderful meal at the Flames House. It felt a bit like a family gathering - except instead of football, some of us watched a short news program about the Children's Hospital and Flames House. A family (from the Hope group) did a fantastic job of sharing their story and some of the staff shared their experiences as well. Dave and I talked later about how our hearts went out to these 'poor people' who must use this amazing facility - and then we realized that we were those 'poor people'! We have certainly known sadness but have been amazed at the beauty and joy that exists here too. The show was really well done - and I think they did give a very accurate view of what this place is about. I wish I could find on the web to share with you. And to think, there are only six places like it in North America!
The week was great. It was full. Dave had alot on his plate this week. I was happy about seeing a few more people that I haven't seen all summer. (no exageration there) I wish I could have made it work to see more of you - thank-you for being patient with me! I brought Ethan out to playschool, which he is loving!
At the same time, we have had very real reminders this week of what this place - The Flames House - is really about. We have met a little boy who has a brain tumour. He loves to play with Ethan's train set. I love watching him play and be 'loved on' by his parents. And it hurts at the same time. And then we ourselves had a stark reminder with Rachel this afternoon. We are fragile. Life is short.
In hindsight now, we thought something was different yesterday with Rachel. She seemed more quiet, her smiles weaker. On Sunday morning, one of the nurses told us that she had noticed a darker patch of skin - over her heart area. But when I checked later in church, it was gone. Then it came back with her 'episode' this afternoon. The Doctor said this was probably a sign of de-oxygenated blood in the area.
I had napped all afternoon and when 'it' was happening, I wished I had spent the afternoon with her instead. I was so afraid that I had missed my chance for one more smile, one more cuddle. But I couldn't have known. It took us all by surprise. She had been doing so well all week. I am SO glad for all the cuddling we could have tonight. Thank-you God for more time!
This 'One Day at a time' takes on another meaning yet again. God, give us courage for what is ahead. ok, i'm going to try and sleep now. I feel comforted knowing that some of you are praying for us during the night - if you are up with your kids etc...Thank-you:)
He gives us peace.