"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm,
and carry them close to his heart, and shall gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11

Monday, June 28, 2010

Wonderful Reprieve

Since January when we first heard the news about Rachel, I have very rarely picked up a book or wanted to watch a movie, or do anything that I normally found entertaining. (although I did continue knitting blankets for Rachel).  I consider myself a pretty avid reader.  Dave and I have often chosen to spend the evening reading together - it is probably one of our faveorite things to do together.  If we go out on a date, we invariably find ourselves wandering through Chapters or the Library.  But with news of Rachel's 'abnormalities' and the unknown future looming large, I found it so hard to lose myself in a book the way I normally could.  She was always with me. I couldn't get away.  I read the Bible.  I read a few books related to our situation but that was it.  

Last week I picked up my first novel. A few days ago, I picked up a book that had me completely hooked from the first page.  It's called "Half the Sky" by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. For those of you who liked "Three Cups of Tea", you will be just as challenged and inspired by this one.  I'm roughly half way through the chapter entitled "Why Women die in childbirth".  This particularly interests me because during my labour with Abigail, I thought it was quite possible to die from childbirth! (some of you know that feeling) And yes, it is perhaps a bit strange that I want to 'relax' with such a serious book..(about the injustices/oppression of women in our world)

But I was thinking....Isn't it good that there are reprieves in our grieving process? Even just the need to do day to day tasks - like dishes and laundry - can be life savers.  I expect that will be the case after Rachel is gone too.  Dave is glad that I am reading again too!  I guess it was a bit disconcerting to see me spend a lot of time just staring out the window.  I have to say it was equally maddening for me to see him distract himself more easily in a game or book.  We men and women have different ways of grieving and sometimes it is really hard to respect each other in this. 

But for now I am glad for the reprieve, for this second time of waiting.  Rachel is here with us, her body warm against ours.  The most difficult time is still coming.  I wonder sometimes how Dave and I will both grieve then and if it will be tough to stay connected.  But I am glad for the difficulties we have already faced in our marriage - they have prepared us for this and I know that in the end we will be ok.  There is still lots of laughter in our house and that too has been a wonderful means of reprieve!


Kathy and Carl said...

I'm so glad that you have been able to spend some time reading. Yes, you need a reprieve from all that is going on around you. I will definitely have to pick up that book!

fiona said...

kendra, i too want to read this book! glad to hear you are able to spend some time enjoying reading and no, i don't think it odd at all that you would find this type of book relaxing . . . glad too to hear that you and dave got our gift and were able to start enjoying it already :D i was thinking that if housecleaning did not fit the bill, perhaps babysitting and a dinner out would be just as refreshing :)

love you!