"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm,
and carry them close to his heart, and shall gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11

Friday, May 14, 2010

Teetering on the Edge

Last night I thought we had finally arrived at THE DAY - the day when we meet Rachel.  So it goes without saying that I didn't sleep much.  During the nights, I find myself teetering on the edge of sanity, which is actually quite normal for pregnant woman at the end!  Sometimes both Dave and I dream that Rachel is born...and she is perfectly healthy....or something goes terribly wrong.  David even dreamt that I had given birth to a healthy Rachel and then somehow forgot to tell him that she had been born! Wow - God, sign me up for that kind of labor!

This morning the thought came briefly to me today, "What would it be like to bring home a healthy baby girl?" and I was hit with such a powerful longing for that to be true.  God, I know you are able to heal.  You could re-arrange Rachel's heart, her brain, her body, and make her whole in an instant.  There are so many stories of you doing miracles - not just in the Bible - I believe that you still work this way today.  But I know that you work in other ways too.  You have given me such strength to face all the unknowns, strength that is so beyond me. I don't know what will happen tonight, or tomorrow.  I do know that the only way I want to face this, is with God's strength and not my own.  I'll go crazy otherwise (or just crazier in my case)

To all of you that have walked with us through the past four months, prayed for us, sent notes, made meals etc...THANK-YOU!!  We will not be able to respond to all of you (maybe not to any of you) in the coming days.  But I want you to know how deeply your care has moved us!! I have never experienced such an outpouring of care from so many people in my life!  I want you to know this because there may be times ahead when we will want our own space to be with Rachel, or to grieve - and this may seem confusing to you.  We may not respond right away when you offer help or to visit, or when you write us emails & cards - and yet we will still be so thankful for your efforts!!! They will not go un-noticed.  Thank you for your understanding.  We've never done this before - we don't know what life will be like, or how we will feel.  In many ways, this is when it all begins...We are teetering on the edge of an unknown world.  But we know who holds our Future!        


Kathy and Carl said...

I appreciate your honesty and your hearts' desire. We too are praying for healing for Rachel. And I think it takes a lot to be able to know and verbalize what you need in the next little while. We love you guys so much!

Mark and Neena said...

We continue praying for you guys. Your blog is such a rich and beautiful and inspirational read to us and others, and helps us 'stay connected' over the miles.

Love in Jesus,

Mark & Neena and (teething) David