"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm,
and carry them close to his heart, and shall gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

It's Time

Today I went to get blood work done in preparation for the c-section on Friday.  Then I checked out the Labor and Delivery floor of the Peter Lawheed hospital, just in case labor comes early.  I don't want a repeat of my last experience - wandering the halls in the throes of hard labor with Abigail, following an equally lost husband!! It struck me today that this is probably the last day I need to respond to a stranger's comments and questions about my pregnancy.  I'm tired of them.  I don't know how to respond. What do I say when my chiro's receptionist tells me how excited she is about our baby arriving soon and that I need to bring her in to show her off?  (she's likely forgotton the info. on my file)  I just say "Thank-you".  Or when my hair dresser asks me if I have any exciting plans for the summer?  (after I tell her our baby likely won't live long)  I don't blame them for not knowing what to say - I often feel at a loss myself.  It's shocking for people to hear things like this.  Most pregnant women are looking forward with joy and anticipation to Birth. 


Sometimes (in the right situation) it has opened the door to a conversation that wouldn't otherwise happen.  Today was one of the rare times I chose to talk about Rachel.  The woman supervisor at the Lab shared that she had cancer and she had prayed and God had healed her.  She was an encouragement to me, to trust God to know Best and to enjoy the time I will have with Rachel.  So, sometimes I also wonder if I will miss being pregnant and the attention given to this little one.  One day Rachel will be a memory and not a visible presence to the world.  I think her life will still open doors in conversation but in a different way.   


One more day.  Two more sleeps.  I will treasure this time but I feel torn - i both want to hibernate and hold off what is coming - and I want to meet Rachel.  Tomorrow family is leaving Manitoba so that they can be with us on Friday....After all the waiting, it is finally time.  God give me courage!             

8 comments:

fawne said...

kendra...i wish i could explain how my heart feels toward you...so tender yet fierce....so gentle yet protective...so happy yet sad. i ache for the pain i know you will go through but i rejoice for the beauty you will discover.
may the Father's love abound in your heart, may it overflow and flood every fibre of your being until you are drenched with the odour of His love.
i keep praying that God will be so real to you during this time that you cannot help but look back in awe and thanksgiving as you see how through the pain He held you...tenderly, faithfully, consistently.
we love you guys and pray constantly....
can't wait to hear the news!!

i remember comments like those that were hard to answer too....people would say to me...be thankful he's not talking yet...once they start you can't get them to be quiet. and in my heart i would say....i would give anything to hear one word cross his lips. we take so much for granted...don't we?

praying that you sleep tonight.

love, fawne

David Funk said...

Hey, I wasn't THAT lost!!!!
Love you so much...
Love,
me

Kathy said...

Praying for you guys. Kathy and Randy

Angela said...

You are such an incredible person Kendra. The purpose of Rachel's life is already at work in this world!

paige said...

(i'm a friend of fawne's)
bless you as you faithfully mother this little girl the Father has gifted your family with. There are many you are unaware of who are challenged and changed by your surrender to His perfect plan...

patti said...

Kendra, I am praying for courage and peace for you in the next few days! I also pray you get some sleep tonight. By the way, I love that picture of Abigail and Ethan!

**Hugs**

Carol Taves said...

Kendra, I already posted a comment this morning praying for you guys, so I don't want to repeat myself, although I will be engaging in much repetition before the throne of God these next days on your behalf, but I would like to know where I can find out what the music is that plays when I come onto your blog. Lovely, meaningful.

Kathy and Carl said...

We have been thinking of you constantly these days. May God give you a peaceful sleep tonight, may he give you peace tomorrow, that the kids will be comfortable and settled and that you and Dave will be strengthened.