Now it's all over.....and we feel rather lost. Not sure what we should do next. We miss Rachel so much. Thank-you so much for your support this last week. There is alot of work and details involved in preparing for two memorial services and it all came together, much of it before we even asked for it - and both services were beautiful and full of meaning and reminders of our Hope. There were some very difficult events of this last week - carrying our daughter's body to the hearse, laying her casket in the ground...and we are thankful for the strength of God. How else could we have done it? And we are thankful for the comfort of friends.
I don't think I will be writing much in the next while. We will need some space and time as a family of four to rest and process and begin thinking about where we need to go next. I am hoping to learn to sleep again. Over the counter sleep-ease is helping. Dave has a sabbatical (break from his work) coming up. It is hard to imagine life without Rachel and we don't feel the kind of anticipation and interest in this as we once did. As to the blog, I expect that I will be writing here again some day. On the trip out here to Manitoba (with Rachel's casket in the back), I journaled 19 pages so that I would not forget what this last week has been like. One day I will write on the blog about Rachel's final hours too. You are welcome to ask me about it. I just want to wait until a quieter time before I share about it here. I will try and add some pictures of the last week as well, once we are somewhere with faster internet.
My new favorite book - one we listened to on the way - is The Magician's Nephew by C.S Lewis. I have read it before but it was so much more meaningful to me now. Here's part of it....
"But please, please - won't you - can't you give me something that will cure Mother?" Up till then he had been looking at the Lion's great front feet and the huge claws on them; now, in his despair, he looked up at its face. What he saw surprised him as much as anything in his whole life. For the tawny face was bent down near his own and (wonder of wonders) great shining tears stood in the Lion's eyes. They were such big, bright tears compared with Digory's own that for a moment he felt as if the Lion must really be sorrier about his Mother than he was himself.
"My son, my son," said Alan. "I know. Grief is great. Only you and I in this land know that yet. Let us be good to one another. ..."