"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm,
and carry them close to his heart, and shall gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Therapy

Rachel has had a few really great days.  She has been so strong.  I think I am doing alot better too - there has been alot more light in my life lately, literally.  Thank-you God for blue skies and sunshine!  Yesterday morning I sat with the kids in the sunshine while they colored paper scarecrows for the sandbox (to scare the cats away - Ethan's idea) - and I knitted, and I felt some of the joy creep back into my soul.  I think I started this doll sweater just after Christmas and I gave up after making a silly mistake.  It felt really good to be doing this again.  Even last night when I felt this really bad flu bug coming on, I kept knitting away.  Someone told me recently how her counselor had advised her to do a mental activity, like sudoku or crossword puzzles - because this can help break the cycle of our sad thoughts.  I find knitting to work a bit like that.  It's so therapeutic for me sometimes.  
"Dolly, you need to spend a few minutes thinking about what you did wrong.  I don't want to see you coloring your body with marker again...."

There are sweat pants to match....maybe I'll get those done by next Christmas?:)

Speaking of therapy for pain....I have been chewing over something I read in my devotional yesterday.  Maybe I'll just paste it in here:

"The week after Hope died, I was sitting on the couch reading a book by a man who had lost a child.  He wrote, "There's only one thing I've found that helps with the pain." You would have thought I was in the desert and he was telling me where to find water.  I wanted to skip ahead.  I wanted to know.  What is it that will soothe this enormous ache inside me? Then I read it: "serving others." Honestly, I felt disappointed.  That's it? I thought.  A part of me said he was just a preacher who was giving me the party line.  But I also thought that someone who has hurt like he had hurt would not lie to me about where to find comfort.  And so even though I didn't really believe him, I decided to put what he said to the test. I was desperate." Nancy Guthrie

And so Nancy did put it to the test.  She helped a widow move into a new home - and her focus moved from her own pain to someone else's.  She said that in her own experience - it is the reaching out to others in the midst of our own pain, uniquely because of our pain that is the secret to lightening our unbearable load. I feel like maybe I should add a disclaimer.  Grieving people need to be given ALOT of GRACE.  As a people pleaser, and as a firstborn who wants to do everything right - even grieve properly, I can easily succumb to false guilt that I am not doing this right or doing enough for others.  But there is something in this story that rings so TRUE.  In fact, I know this to be true in my own life. What about you?  Has this also been your experience?   


Brenda Funk said...

Yes, I have found that to be true. Sometimes (being such an introvert) i have troube finding such a project -- so for me work is very therapeutic. I get paid for it, but I do serve others, and my attitude (one of loving others with the love of Christ, serving joyfully and glady, as unto the Lord, or grudging and resentful answering of the demands of the people I serve) makes all the difference.
As for your sandbox -- you may want to invest in a cheap tarp and skewer it into the ground around the sandbox as an added help to keeping cats out -- works here.

Anonymous said...

okay off topic. that sweater is incredible! wow. wow. wow!!
i also love your dolly humor with your commentary.
love Laura

Carol said...

I have certainly found this to be true, not only for dealing with grief, but also depression & anxiety, because it takes you out of yourself. As for the sandbox, I have a really good solution for you: we have a slightly used, very enthusiastic puppy you could borrow - the cats will stay far away from your sandbox, and the puppy will be happy to
play in it with your kids!

fawne said...

yes, kendra. i definitely found this to be true. in fact, i have a chapter about this concept in my book. i remember right after wyatt died i was frustrated because my church's family camp was just starting...the same weekend he died. and so rather than have his funeral and get on with things we had to stay for the whole week of family camp so we could have his funeral after camp was done. (we needed to use the same facilities for both)
i was frusterated cause i felt like even though our son had just died we had to put our lives on hold for everyone else.
i was praying about it and God reminded me of Jesus....in His greatest moment of pain...on the cross....he still took the time to make sure his mother was taken care of.
"Fawne" He said, "If I was able to take the time to serve another while dying on the cross for you then you can take the time to "look outside yourself" while you're going through your greatest moment of pain."
i'll never ever forget how clearly he spoke to me.
and that week ended up being incredible. it was exactly what i needed.