Rachel is doing really well. She didn't give her respite worker any sleep last night though! She was awake from 1:00 - 5:00 am and was up every hour when she was sleeping. Today she is fairly content, happy to sit and watch the kids playing in the Living Room. I have just wondered once if a spell was coming on but most of the time I am just busy feeding her. I guess she is doing some catch up feeds. But even though she seems so much better, I am feeling really heavy with sadness today. We weren't able to go to church this morning. It was akward because Dave needed to be there very early and it's not exactly biking weather yet, so he needed the van. But I'm not sure I would have had the energy to do it today anyway....So here I am at home, my thoughts with my church family. I been able to do some reading this morning and this was very good for me.
This is a poem I read this morning in Phillip Yancey's book on Prayer. I liked it alot. (On a morning like this, in a house, in the city, I have to use my imagination a bit though....)
The Peace of Wild Things
- by Wendell Berry
When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water,
and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
(and then I read this in the Message - Mathew 6)
"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
....If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.