*Rachel only slept till 9:30 and was basically up until 3pm (with one little cat nap in my Aunt Barb's arms) She only had one hour of sleep in a 12 hour stretch....that was very unusual for her.
Good news though - Abigail is fine! I even have my doubts that she had the flu at all. I wonder if she just threw up with her coughing. It's so dry now - especially at the Hospice. Thank-you everyone for your notes and prayers for us.
I have not been a great friend lately. No, it's true. I haven't. I have been forgetting to get back to people about getting together, I don't even feel like initiating a get together sometimes. I'm so sorry. The friends I have are very important to me. But I have been feeling like I am always somewhere else - lost or distracted. Some of you have been patiently 'initiating' for almost a year now. I know what we are going through must be hard to understand sometimes. I don't even understand the changes that are happening in me.
Yesterday morning Ethan was at playschool and my neighbor friend had Abigail - she had some other little girls there too so Abigail had such a blast with them. I was taking advantage of the time and cleaning up the house - and suddenly - no warning - I was sobbing. And I could not stop. I had not cried in a long time and although it was so hard - scary even - to walk into some of the pain and disappointment again - it was good to just let the tears flow. I was thinking too of so many of my friends - connected to the Flames House, and those I know in church, who are going through hard times right now.
And then I just sat next to Rachel...and watched her....and marveled at the beauty of her hands. So tiny, so delicate, so expressive. And I stayed there, in that moment for some time. It was so good to just be in that moment with her. So good for my heart..
|The sideways soother is becoming a "Rachel thing". |
(yup, she sticks it in that way herself - and often holds it in with one finger)
"Look up mommy" she says.