I was looking back at my journal today and I found this entry on September 21st - exactly 8 months before Rachel was born! I'm remembering that day and how I felt so helpless to the tide of events - how I knew that anything could happen. Somehow I had an inkling even then of something coming, something that God had been preparing me for. I am remembering today of how God was faithful. He was merciful, not quite in the way I asked or hoped. But He still was. He got me/us through that long time of waiting.
Here's what I wrote on September 21, 2009:
"We're pregnant. Just did a test this morning. I think I'm still shaking...with trepidation, fear of all the myriad things that could go wrong and all the things I've known already. Nasea, exhaustion, getting big and sluggish again, exhaustion because I have two children who wear me out somedays when I'm not pregnant. God help me! Help me to face each day with courage, stamina, patience. Protect and grow this little life. Because already I feel a fierce kind of desire to protect this little one. Lord have mercy on us. "
It is good to remember His faithfulness. And He says. "Can a woman forget her nursing child, or show no compassion for the child of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you." (Isaiah 49:15)Just as I love my children with a fierce protective love, God loves us and infinetely more!