On Turning 35

I turned thirty-five last week. And maybe this seems silly to you, but I felt like I was about to cross some big invisible line. You know.....the time when child-bearing becomes more "risky", fertility drops yadda yadda yadda....and while I am SO incredibly thankful to have had the experience of bringing three beautiful children into this world, I still feel sad about leaving that chapter behind.


What really made this birthday tough for me though, was that it was my first birthday without Rachel. I tried not to think of it. But as hard as I tried, all I could think about was her and how our home seemed so much emptier because she wasn't with us. And I hadn't felt quite this way for a long time.

You want to know what I remember about my birthday last year? Truthfully, the only thing I have been able to remember is sitting with Rachel in the Living room, trying to soak her in because I knew my next birthday would be different. That's it. I can't remember anything else.


And so, I didn't feel much like celebrating this year. At one point, I told Dave that if it were up to me, I would just curl up alone on our bed and cry. But we did have some of our family over for dessert in the evening and it turned out to be a really nice time. I had made a really super rich chocolate cake the day before and Dave iced it. I think I received four 'Tea' related gifts this year, which is wonderful. Dave bugs me all the time about our bulging tea basket and the overflow into the cupboard.... he he...and there's always room for more.

This is David's birthday gift for me. I think it's perfect. I love that they have dragonflies. They remind us of the short story called ""Waterbugs & Dragonflies - Explaining Death to Young Children". We read it often to our kids both before and after Rachel was born. Dave told this story to the kids last Easter Sunday during the Children's feature in our church...

I'm going to go buy another matching cup. Want to come over for tea?