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Friday, October 22, 2010

Another episode

We are feeling shaken after another life-threatening 'episode'.  Thankfully it happened while I was at home and not while I was walking the kids to and from playschool.  A friend came over to take care of the kids and Dave drove, a bit crazily, back from the church.  I spoke with the Palliative Care Doctor on call and he walked me through the worst part.  I gave her one shot of morphine and that seemed to help.  (it started with a bm, like on Sunday, but it was such a small amount this time)    

Dave and I both lay down with her this afternoon - while Dave's aunt Carol played with Ethan. (she was out from MB for a short visit) We didn't sleep.  We just drank her in.  I wanted to stay there forever, the feel of her breathing in and out, in our arms.  This is her lying on our bed. (picture below)  I also made some small hand impressions in clay that I had been meaning to make - I thought they could be hung on the Christmas tree.  I made one for each of the Grandparents and for us.


God, give us courage.  Give us peace.  Help us to know in our hearts that 'all is well' even when our bodies feel so shaken. We wonder what this means.  How many times will we go through this? Should we go back to the Flames House? But we have really missed our home...There are decisions to make and so much we don't know but we say "We trust you God.  Our lives are in Your hands. Your timing is right. And we can trust You because you love us." 
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14 comments:

  1. SharonOctober 22, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    I don't know what to say... sending love.

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  2. alaskamommyOctober 22, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    Your sweet little baby girl.... She is blessed to have you as her parents. Praying for you frequently.

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  3. AnonymousOctober 22, 2010 at 4:35 PM

    God, give courage in the face of darkness - for my dear friends.... praying for you.
    tricia

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  4. Rachel & ChrisOctober 22, 2010 at 6:50 PM

    We pray for you daily, and we miss you. We love you all.

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  5. Brenda FunkOctober 22, 2010 at 7:09 PM

    thanks for the picture...I'm praying that she will not have to suffer to much. It's hard to think about, can't imagine watching her go through it. May you feel God's arms around you. Love MOM

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  6. AnonymousOctober 22, 2010 at 7:34 PM

    We will be praying and holding her in our hearts. May the Lord hold you close and guide you through this dark time.

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  7. amyOctober 22, 2010 at 7:56 PM

    Dave, Kendra, Ethan, Abigail and Rachel, we think of you so often, and pray for you.
    Such an incredible little life. Feel warm and loved as the Lord is so close to you all at this time.
    Lots of love to you all.

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  8. fionaOctober 22, 2010 at 8:24 PM

    kendra, this morning i was listening to the fernando ortega cd you gave me years ago (storm - i remember that dave was not too pleased that you gave me a copy of your original :D). as i listened to each song and lyric i thought of you and the journey you are on. at one point i thought it would be such a blessing if God would give you the desire in your hearts to see rachel go be with Jesus when the time came. i know that sounds a little nuts, but when i read the post about this dear little boy alexander and how his family was now praying for him to go be with jesus rather than to stay behind with them, i didn't think this thought was as far out. when i look at this picture you've posted of rachel i think of treasure and peace and purity and rest and peace. your achingly beautiful baby girl does not know fear, she knows only love.
    fiona

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  9. AnonymousOctober 23, 2010 at 12:14 AM

    How terrible for you all... she's so beautiful and perfect and it doesn't look like anything is... out of the ordinary... I had to read through some of your back blog and people's comments to realize a little of what you're going through... I can only imagine the semi-sweet sorrow of what you must be feeling? Bless you though for keeping such an upbeat attitude, and keeping your faith through this achingly impossibly difficult time. Here's praying that you feel nothing but joy and acceptance and that the sorrow is tinged with beautiful memories and peace. It's sometimes so hard to hear while you're going through it, but isn't it so incredibly hopeful that your entire sweet little family will all be together one day? No matter what happens to ANY of you? It's only such a short time... Best of wishes

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  10. AnonymousOctober 23, 2010 at 2:56 AM

    She is so beautiful....my heart aches for all of you....hugs from Manitoba...L-lew

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  11. UnknownOctober 23, 2010 at 4:44 AM

    My heart hurts for you and your pain... My eyes are moist as I read these last two posts...

    I have no words. And distance doesn't allow me to do anything tangible for you. But I am praying... and my Bible study groups are praying...for peace, and courage, and faith that God is Love - even in the pain.

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  12. MarthaOctober 23, 2010 at 6:55 AM

    Praying God will replace ALL your fears with HIS peace, as only HE can! Amen.

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  13. AnonymousOctober 23, 2010 at 9:38 AM

    Hey Dave & Kendra, we're thinking of you guys a lot these days... can't imagine how tough this must be. Thanks for continuing to keep all of us in the loop on the ups and the downs. Sending our love, Jen & Paul

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  14. Kris and AndreaOctober 23, 2010 at 5:59 PM

    We are praying as well! As we've read your posts, we have been amazed of your strength, wisdom, maturity and faith during this difficult time. We truly care. May you sense God's comforting arms carrying you on this journey. Rachel is such a beautiful bundle.

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