A Fitting Bouquet

Dave's sister Val and her husband Ravi (and son Isaiah) came to visit us on the one year anniversary of Rachel's death. They just hopped in a car and drove the 14 hours to come see us for one day! Val and Dave's mom got us these flowers. I thought the girlie lamb was just perfect!

This afternoon we remembered how Rachel took her last breath here and went into the arms of Jesus. Dear Rachel, you were so small and yet so full of life! We miss you! You brought so much beauty to our lives!!

I stole the following picture from a Blog that a friend introduced me to awhile ago. The writer also has a son who is with Jesus and I have really appreciated her writing. I loved this plaque so much and it was the reminder I needed yesterday. To read her post click here. 

Thank-you Father! You never stop Rebuilding. Redeeming. Restoring. It has been a tough day here of remembering. Lots of tears. We grieve and ache for what is lost. But even then...EVEN THEN...our grief cannot cancel out the Joy you have given us.  Thank-you for never leaving us. 

She Sees the Face of Jesus

It was a hot and muggy Manitoba afternoon when we put Rachel's headstone on the grave.  It felt a bit like our final gift to her, the last thing we could do for our little girl. And being in that graveyard in the warm sun of summer also brought back memories of last August - of singing "Jesus Loves Me" with our friends and family, of Scripture read - and of lowering her body deep in the ground. Oh I long for the day when I can be with her again....


The graveyard is just a short walk from my parent's farm - behind a church in the rural community of Mennville. Three of my grandparents were buried here.  I know so many of the stories behind the headstones - told to me by my parents. And just as I walk among the stones and remember the people, the babies, the young girls, and Fathers and Mothers - I know that when their loved ones walk here, they will see Rachel's stone and know her too.  She is not lost among rows and rows of headstones. She is known here. And I found that an immensely comforting thought. 


I noticed too, how the grass had already begun growing on top of her grave, the soil already mostly settled.  I think I felt a bit surprised at how quickly this happened. And I think of how fleeting our days are - how like the grass we are - here today and gone tomorrow. I don't always feel that way - there are days that feel much too long. Even Abigail has been asking lately - "When can we see Rachel again? When?" I can't tell her a number of sleeps. I can only hold her and dry her tears and tell her that we *will* see her again. That we can trust God's promises. But even our long days here are fleeting in light of eternity. And so we wait because He helps us. 

The white letters read "In the Arms of Her Good Shepherd"
The little red memorial candle we bought in Germany is still there too, some flowers that friends (whose son died) placed there for us, and a solar butterfly from my Mom.

Later one night, we all went back to see all the solar lights lit up but there were so many mosquitos - we just took a quick look and hopped back in the car.

Isn't it peaceful looking? In the back is a little rock garden made by a family of a young woman who died in her 20's. It is a place to rest and pray, cry, remember. Rachel's grave is still the last one (the small pink stone)...there hasn't been a burial since hers.

Thank-you to those of you who prayed for us! We were amazed and blessed too to know that some of you went out of your way to visit her gravesite too! And we are glad that the task of putting a stone on the grave is done! As Dave's mom said, "now it won't look as forlorn" and we agree.  We feel too that the stone is a good reflection of Rachel's life and what we believe about Him. She truly is safe in Her Shepherd's arms. 


"Jesus loves me He will stay, close beside me all the way.  He's prepared a place for me, and someday His face i'll see . . . ."


There was one other thing that reminded me strongly of last summer. Dave's parents have a trampoline which is a HUGE hit with the kids.  And next to it is a tree with two swings - one for a baby. I'm glad they didn't take it down because I could still almost imagine Rachel sitting in it - laughing as she watched the cousins jump. She was so very happy that day. As I watched them jumping this summer, it felt like there was a big hole where our other daughter should be. It hurts so much. But that swing also reminds me of her joy and that she will never know sorrow or pain again.  And that is good. That is really good. 

July 2012

At the Children's Hospital Memorial Service

Rachel's Birthday

Thank-you to everyone who joined us on the 21st to honor sweet Rachel - whether you were with us at the park or with us in spirit. So many of you wore pink or yellow on that day! Thank-you for supporting us on a day that held such a mixture of feelings and memories.

In one of the Family Suites

We started the day with a visit to the Rotary Flames House. It felt strange to walk into that building again - as though it were our home from another lifetime - but it seemed so right and good to be there too. We visited with the staff for a bit. Oh, it was GOOD to hear other people remininsce about our girl - so healing for our hearts. They reminded us of things I had forgotten. How Rachel always wanted her soother upside down - and if you forgot she would promptly turn it around. They talked about her mischievious personality, and her smiles.  How bravely she lived her life.

oh how thankful we are for these people who loved our little girl......

After walking through the room where we first stayed - a few days after Rachel was born....we went to the sundeck area.  We brought two balloons - one pink and one yellow. We wrote messages on them for Rachel - telling her how much we missed her and loved her and how we are looking forward to being together again someday.  And then Ethan and Abigail let them go.  Ethan thought it was cool that they were going on a journey....and then how cool it was that his was faster than Abigail's;) I don't think I really understood the whole practice of letting balloons go until a few years ago. We were at the funeral service for our friend's son. And there was something about how those balloons drew our attention away from the ground, the pain and loss of now - to the sky. It felt very meaningful to do it on Monday as well.

I have to tell you one more thing that happened on her birthday.  We planted a flowering crab apple tree last year - a gift from Dave's mom, in honor of Rachel. We had heard that sometimes they don't flower the first year after transplanting but we cared for it lovingly and watched to see what it would do.  The whole week before her birthday we watched the buds growing...and the first buds began flowering right ON her birthday!!! Isn't that so beautiful?? 
This is what I posted on FB: Thank-you God for bringing so much beauty into our lives through Rachel and for comforting and encouraging us today!

Rachel's Birthday May 21, 2012

We realize that Rachel's birthday lands on the long weekend - Victoria Day Monday, but for those of you that are around (and in Calgary), we would love for you to join us as we honor and remember our precious little girl. 

I will be bringing cupcakes (Big thanks to Rebecca Purnell for helping me ice them!) and some snacks. Originally I thought we would bring snacks for everyone but it might be a large group. So....I'm changing it to a "Snack Potluck".  Please bring whatever you want, just no tree nuts please. Thank-you!

We'll aim to light some candles and sing "Happy Birthday" around 3:30 pm but if you come later and still want to sing again, i'm sure we could do that too:)
Please bring your own bag dinner, drinks etc...if you are staying around over supper. We will meet by the playground area, but we may need to relocate within the park if it's super busy that day....This will be a come and go event. Bring bikes for the kids, lawnchairs for yourselves etc...

Where: Prairie Winds Park, Calgary Alberta

Google Map: http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&tab=wl&q=prairie%20winds%20park%20calgary

Time: 3:00pm - 7:00pm
*Look for us near the main entrance playground! (near the waterpark - which is not open yet...)

*And please let me know if you are coming, so we know how many cupcakes to make! Thanks:)

In honor of Rachel, we were thinking it might be neat for everyone to wear pink (if you have something that's pink!) or yellow (that's the color Ethan said reminded him of Rachel) If you don't have anything that color, don't worry about it and come anyway!

If the weather is lousy, we will have to cancel. Maybe we'll relocate to our house. We will probably still be in the middle of some house renos so we'll see.....but stay tuned. I'll update this the closer we get to the day.

I'm sorry - I realize many of you are not in Calgary and wouldn't be able to come anyway but i'm sending this invite out to everyone because I didn't want to miss anyone here. Also, I thought there might be some people who might want to remember our little girl from afar by wearing pink or yellow on that day! I would love to hear about it if you are:)

Thank-you for your friendship!!!

That was Weird #2!

A few days ago, I was standing outside Ethan's school waiting for his class to file out. I had a nasty cold, it was a cold day and I was really looking forward to getting home.  So all that to say, I guess I wasn't at my sharpest.....when another mom tried to strike up a conversation with me. We had met before - at a Abigail's preschool and have chatted a few times briefly. She told me she had gone to my house, that she had rung the doorbell - checked the back yard etc... in hopes of visiting with me. (I was a bit surprised - not sure how she knew where I lived?) I asked when this was. She said, "right after we talked about my daughter." (none of this is ringing a bell for me at all) She said that I had told her that I lost my daughter.


"I lost my daughter?" (I was so confused...I know this is weird but I could not make the connection from this to Rachel. I thought she was talking about Abigail)


What followed was a very strange conversation, where she began trying to convince me that I had indeed told her that my daughter was lost - and me denying it!


"When was this again?"


"I don't remember that."


"I didn't lose my daughter..."


Finally....FINALLY....it clued in - and I realized that she meant Rachel.


I said..."OHHH!!! You mean that my daughter died! I didn't lose her. She died."


Poor lady. She probably thought I had lost my mind.....


But that conversation got me thinking about the language we use to talk about death.  So often we use expressions like "she lost her child." instead of just saying "her child died." Why is that? I can't say that I have been too concerned by it before.  I have used this expression myself - many times, actually. I'm not saying that it is always wrong to use it. And I am not going to analyze this woman's reasons for using the word 'lost'.  I am saying though that sometimes it can just be plain confusing (!).  I obviously didn't forget that Rachel died....